On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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