Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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