Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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