We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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