I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Randomize
