i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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