Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
