I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
