she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I am one with the molecules
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
