i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
Randomize
