i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
2 weeks shy of 25 and all Iβm wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesdayβs nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
Randomize
