I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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