somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
