i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
