Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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