2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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