i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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