can we get nightvision for the apartment?
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
