fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
