Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Randomize
