Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
