that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
