I bet he comes in French.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Randomize
