Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I am naked and annoyed.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
