i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
