He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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