His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
