i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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