so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
