Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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