When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
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