i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
