Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
