i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Randomize
