i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
