i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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