We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
