my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
why do cheetos always look like penises
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize