I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Randomize
