I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
