It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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