My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize