My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Randomize
