just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
