Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
