discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
