yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just forgot I was standing up.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
