mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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