she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
