yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
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