Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
