It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
