I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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