Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
