new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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