i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
