I met the friendliest cop last night
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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