I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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