I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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