You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Randomize
