So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
