So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
