I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize
