she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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