Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
Randomize
