Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
