Taylor Swift is so right about you.
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
